Body Language

Grazing through the channels last week, I stopped to watch some of President Bush's press conference with the sound off. I generally find his speeches easier that way. Despite his being muted, I noticed that his body language, the shrugs, the slouching posture, the sly half-smile, the avoidance of eye contact, might not have reinforced the overall message he intended.

Up to ninety percent of human communication is nonverbal. We rely heavily on tone, posture and gesture to understand one another even when we don't actually listen or absorb the individual words. If we see a man and woman in conversation, we all have an idea of her intentions with the hair twirl, the downturned eyes, the half-bitten lip, the over-the-shoulder glance and the upturned face, regardless of the words of being exchanged.

If you want to see the epitome of body language in action, just ask a married couple a question, preferably one where neither is certain how the other will want to answer. Scheduling, especially an event one or the other might not want to attend, is always a good choice. What you will witness is a hive mind being born.

Sure other cliques have their own communication shorthand. They can welcome or reject a new member, even admonish an existing one, all without a word being said. As an outsider, you may understand what's happened but not always how or why. If you are very observant, you might pick out the bellwether, not the obvious leader of the group, but the social force that gives it life. The individual who guides the others without exposing himself to danger, shielding himself in the center of group.

With a married couple, that shorthand is refined down to its essence. Confronted with the right question, they will lock eyes with slightly confused expressions, staring at one another for a moment in silence. With newlyweds, you might spot a subtle hand gesture or the nearly imperceptible nod but such extraneous expressions fade with time.

That eye contact intimacy masks a high-speed data link being engaged. Behind the quiet facade, a contact protocol has been initiated. Once the link is up and operational, information packets are exchanged from separate databases stored redundantly, but incompletely, in each mind as a security precaution. After the combined data set has been reassembled, each partner enters an internal review cycle. Here both inspect the joint data, performing checksums and decryption to verify its validity and authenticity. The reconstructed file is reviewed to ensure no meaningful gaps exist. If a hole is detected, one partner may request duplicate information from the other. If the missing packets aren't forthcoming, say due to a garbled link, a compromise to the secure channel or the lack of proper clearance, one or the other will each briefly enter an extrapolation mode. This breach of the trust protocol could impact future negotiations.

Once both partners are satisfied with the assembled data, they enter a negotiation phase. Bursts of information are exchanged, request/confirm/acknowledge messages gauging the interest in the event, whether it must be a shared venture, and the cost to the more desirous party, even if that is only an unspecified draft choice to be named at a later date. Once the terms have been agreed, they nominate and elect a spokesperson. This may or may not be the more appetent party depending on the analyzed strength and clarity of the link. This likely initiates a second round of negotiation and a price adjustment. Then the precise language of press statement both parties are willing to release is negotiated. Like a SALT II discussion or an Arab-Israeli peace accord, the terms of this joint message could result in further, prolonged negotiations and significantly alter the final cost.

Once the white smoke has cleared, one of them will slowly turn to speak, perhaps trailing his eyes toward his partner as if reluctant to venture out on his own. If he violates the negotiated terms, or his volatile memory corrupts some vital portion of the script, he may hesitate, and his partner will take over mid-sentence, perhaps without a pause.

The entire exchange requires no more than three seconds. Outside the eye contact, the only other visible body language will be perhaps a slight squinting of the eyes or a furrowing of the brow. Should a compromise not be reached within that three-second window, the party breaking the link will likely offer to get back to you noncommittally. If entrenchment results in a forcibly aborted protocol, the aggrieved party may attempt to renew negotiations verbally and sway inconsequential allies to his side. This is a dangerous act of desperation. Immediately change the subject, or glance at your watch and remember somewhere else to be.

Intimacy breeds understanding. Humans are the only animals that mate face to face. Women often complain about where a man's eyes gravitate, not realizing that both genders' gazes subconsciously drift there during a conversation with a woman. When conversing with a man, both stray farther south. We size each other up instinctively, both our prospects and our rivals. Watch yourself more consciously during your next interaction. You might be surprised at the thoughts your eyes betray.


© 2008 Edward P. Morgan III