In My America

In My America - a reading (on YouTube)

Flat tax. I like this idea. In my America all men were created equal. No one should have to pay more. Let's see, $3.6 Trillion/330 million. That's only $11,000 each person in this country owes each year. A bargain at twice the  price. That's every man, woman and child. No exceptions, no deductions. Add another $3000 a year and we'll eliminate the debt in 12 years. That's only $56,000 a year for the average family of four.

But Ed, I can't afford that. It's way too much. Ok, just for you, citizen, let's see what we can do.

In my America, we don't support freeloaders. Let's cut out all that Other Mandatory spending. I don't know what it pays for anyway (Welfare, Food Stamps, Congressional pay, Military pensions, VA benefits, etc). That saves us each $1400 a year. Every hand to the wheel and nose to the grindstone.

In my America, we believe in smaller government. We don't need all that Discretionary spending (EPA, FDA, State Dept., Justice, FAA, CDC, NASA, Parks, etc.). Sounds like an alphabet soup of subsidies and job killing regulation. There's another $2000 a year we each just saved.

In my America, healthcare is a privilege, not a right. It's time to say goodbye to Medicare and Medicaid. Though I'd put that $2500 a year you save under a mattress, because when you're old and sick it will cost you an order of magnitude more. Though maybe you could just die sooner. That sure would keep medical costs down for the rest of us.

In my America, we take personal responsibility for our own retirement. No more Social Security or Disability. Though I'd invest that $2200 a year wisely, perhaps in something with a lot of growth potential. I'm thinking a mortgage derivative fund.

In my America, the Founding Fathers never intended for us to keep a standing army. If you love this country, you'll truly volunteer. And bring your own gun (because in my America, we take the 2nd Amendment seriously). Your civic-mindedness will save your fellow citizens another $2100 a year. The Minutemen are doing a bang-up job of holding down the border in Arizona.

What's that leave us? Oh, right, just the interest payments on the debt. A paltry $700 a year. Plus you still owe that $3000 a year for the next three Administrations. But we can't eliminate either of those. Because in my America, we always pay our debts.

But Ed, what will we do with the people who can't or won't pay (all those pesky poor, elderly, disabled, and, oh yeah, the children)? In my America, we'll punish them like God intended: Debtor's Prison, to the seventh generation if necessary. Hell, I'm from the South: we know how to get our money out of prisoners by putting them to work. And we don't coddle anybody. That'll solve the unemployment problem in one throw. Two birds, one stone.

The more I think about it, the more I like it. Fair's fair, right? I'll stroke my check tomorrow.


© 2012 Edward P. Morgan III